My Best Friend Kissed Me…My Other Friends Aren’t Happy.

Incase anyone was wondering whatever happened to Mr. Hollywood- I never heard a PEEP from him. And by this point I KNOW he’s done filming in Charleston and on what was supposed to be “our vacation” haha OH WELL…

Onto the next-

I’ve been best friends with the most amazing man for about six years. I used to work for him when I had just gotten out of college. He’s a pharmacist.  He has had the worst luck with girlfriends, and I have had the worst luck with boyfriends. I’m 26 and he’s 40…hmmm seems like the past 3 guys have been 40+ just how it happened. Anyways, we always have done these fun things together. Broadway shows and weekends in NYC, concerts for his favorite artists that no one else would go to, and he would come to my favorite concerts that none of my friends wanted to go to. Same with movies, 5 star restaurants no one would want to try, he’s a world traveler and always found something funny to bring back as a souvenir. He always visited me in the hospital and vice versa. I mean he has always treated me well.

Well he was in a very abusive relationship right before I was in one, and I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t talk to me until I was with someone that controlling. Then the same thing happened. So we pretty much did it to each other. But before I got into mine, him and I were in AC for dinner and a concert, and his ex decided to ruin his night because she knew he was with me. And I was sitting there thinking “This guy and I practically date already except there’s nothing physical going on- everyone THINKS we are together, he does NOT to deserve to be treated like this…I think I’m gonna kiss him…” But he was so upset over the other girl. I even sent him a text that night thanking him for everything and I was feeling “ballsy” and I even wrote “I would have kissed you- except I didn’t want to confuse you more.” He never acknowledged the text.

Well fast forward a year and a half later, he visited me in the hospital last month and we started talking more. He gave me advice about Mr. Hollywood and since I was feeling crappy he took me out to a nice restaurant. Only if you knew me you would get this but when he was recently in Florida he picked up a Christmas ornament that’s a giant “Cheetah Print Christmas Ball with Feathers” haha. We had a great time, he’s trying to get healthier as am I, and we are both doing the same dieting app. I didn’t think anything of it but he started saying reasons as to why we are great together because we have so much in common and we see the good in everybody and always get hurt and why not be together- and that he would’ve been with me back in AC but his head wasn’t in the right place- and I didn’t really think he was serious.

He asked me to lunch two days later at this really yummy vegetarian restaurant. Afterwards we went to Starbucks and sat there for hours talking about everything! He supports my music career and says “From day one you have never doubted yourself and there has never been another option for you except to be a performer.”

So we had to head back to my parents house because I had rehearsal, and we get out of the car and he just WENT FOR IT. I was  completely shocked. I was confused. I was like is this really happening?! I kind of stopped it because I was SO nervous, I started giggling, and I guess I didn’t really think it would ever happen. We always joked about being together- about this engagement ring I’ve always wanted from Tiffany & Co which is absolutely ridiculous- stupid stuff how his turtle loves my cat, but my Dad absolutely LOVES him and always wanted us to date. Italian guy, nice, older but not OLD, steady job, caring, own house, cooks- he’s awesome! Neither of us ever wanted to ruin our friendship, and still don’t. I’m really nervous! I think he’s ready and I’m scared. Being scared is normal right and I was completely caught off guard! Well I’m not sure if it will work or be weird for us but it’s worth a shot. I think I’m scared because I know he’s going to move really fast. All of these thoughts are running through my mind, especially right after we kissed…so I go inside thinking “I need to call my girls before the band gets here” But no- my dad sees him and is like “Stay for dinner! I insist!” Oh my. So we all have dinner, and then I make it thru rehearsal- and then text two of my best friends.

WELL. I support EVERYTHING they do and get excited for them EVERY TIME they are excited. And they both said “I’m sure he will treat you like a princess…BUT” Oh here we go. I’m over it! Why can’t THEY ever be happy for ME? Why do I always stand by WHATEVER they do and I get JUDGED for every MOVE!? I’m so done. The one friend wants me to date someone my own age and doesn’t think I’ll be happy in the end. Meanwhile, she’s dating a hot-tempered ex junkie that refuses to meet her friends and she’s complete changed since they’ve been together. The other friend is dating someone she got very serious with very fast who she had a one night stand with- but doesn’t think I should date him simply because. And my OTHER friend I haven’t even told yet whose guy isn’t even good for her but is going to tell me I need to be ALONE. Do I judge? NO! I never have. And I’m thinking okay now with this guy- are they jealous? Are they always finding a way to control MY life because they aren’t happy with their own? I think it’s exciting! And my parents even said they’re jealous and why does it matter what they think?

I’m just so over it. I’m so over supporting everyone else’s decisions even if I don’t agree with them. That’s what FRIENDS do. Why can’t they get excited for ME once in a while? Anyways- I hope things with me and this guy do work out. He knows me better than anyone else at this point and I hope there’s a physical connection…

Please comment if you’ve experienced either dating a best guy friend and/or your friends never being happy for you!

Thanks 🙂

The Waiting Game…HELP!

Here I am. Over 24 hours since I’ve heard from Prince Charming. I even tried to play it cool and send a text last night about the Breaking Bad finale. No response. Oh but he tweeted and posted on Instagram.  Then about half an hour ago I did what I was trying so hard not to do- the “Hi.” text. We all know what that means: Helloooo remember me ya know the girl you spent the weekend with?!

Ugh. I just don’t know what to do. Obviously that should be MY last attempt to contact HIM right? Or do I try to call tonight? I feel like I’ve made enough of an attempt at this point and I shouldn’t have really been the one to contact him in the first place after our romantic getaway date #2 considering the “old fashioned gentleman” he appears to be. 

I wouldn’t be freaking out if this was someone local and it just didn’t work. But it was totally working. The confusing part is WHY did he spend SO MUCH MONEY on someone he barely knows and why did he say- wait for it…. “I Love You” BEFORE we met. Who goes through all of this for a girl to just never call her again.

I know, I know- it’s only been a day and he’s probably been at work since 8am and will be on set directing until probably midnight this week while he’s shooting. And if we had plans to see each other again I wouldn’t be freaking out. I know I’m being obsessive but I’d rather blog about it than be about it TO HIM. But honestly- what DO I DO? Comments are welcome…actually encouraged. What would you do in this situation? Wait around? And for how long? Or continue to pursue dating others?! HELP! PLEASE!

On a lighter note- I experienced violet and blue hair chalk today. It was a LOT of fun and looks really cool. 


Well- All that worrying about getting a 2nd date with Mr. Hollywood was a waste of energy. Simply because we had one! YAY! He informed me he was going to fly back to Philadelphia yesterday morning and pick me up for a weekend at the Four Seasons. I was surprised, because the new show they’re filming began this week so we barely got to speak on the phone. We still texted though. To be brutally honest, I was not sure if I would ever hear from him again. But I’m so glad he did. Unfortunately, he had to catch an early afternoon flight today- so we didn’t really have the day together today as well- but one day with him was something absolutely amazing.

Enchanting is the only way to describe it- and him for that matter. For one day and night, I felt like Cinderella.


He picked me up, and realized he didn’t have a shirt for dinner. So he wanted to go shopping…at Barney’s of all places. Picked out a thin shirt that was nice and then paid over $200 for it like it was nothing. (Me on the other hand, just had online shopped earlier for the $10 cardigans at Old Navy). The guy has expensive taste. Should’ve known that by the way he sent a MacBook Pro to me prior to us even meeting. Anyways, then we check into the hotel. He couldn’t have picked a pricer one in the city.  We had arrived for our weekend getaway to get to know each other at The Four Seasons. Oh man. It was beautiful, and amazing. I mean even their toiletries you take as souvenirs were top of the line. 

Now keep in mind, I’m very down to earth- as is he. There was nothing snobby about this situation at all, I just found it absurd considering I live less than half an hour away from the city. But from what I gathered about this guy- is that he’s so busy and used to working constantly he has absolutely no one else in his life besides a revolving door of co-workers in Television. I can also tell he’s freaking out about turning 40, and I guess being 26 doesn’t exactly make him feel younger, or does it? Anyways. Back to the date and not psycho-analyzing his life-

So I was hungry for lunch- figured we could walk to a cafe or something. No. He has an app on his phone programmed to only 4 and 5 star restaurants that deliver. We were getting sushi. All I wanted was the Sweet Potato Roll and Miso Soup, it really didn’t have to be 5 star. Well he insisted. (OH and would not let me put any money towards this excursion what so ever). The food was delicious and we pretty much stayed the whole day in center city getting to know each other. There’s something so genuine about him. Honestly, I’ve never dated anyone with money like this so all of that is foreign to me but take it out of the equation and now after spending two weekends with him I’d be completely into him if he lived in a brown box. It’s hard to find someone as kind and positive as him these days, and I’m petrified to lose it.

Dinner was delicious. We ate at the Four Seasons. Such an amazing restaurant, I had pan seared guinea hen with some sort of amazing corn and gnocchi. Up until meeting him I had never eaten guinea hen or quail. I liked the guinea hen better actually. Dessert was elegant. It was all elegant. Nothing in the conversation was awkward at all and we really hit it off. And of course I made this into a “stay-cation” for me and actually turned OFF my phone for once. It was really, really nice. And I need to do it more often. After going thru all of these medical problems and hectic performance schedule this summer it was exactly what I needed as I approach another week of doctor appointments.

Well not much else to tell about the date, except now comes the worry about date #3. I feel more confident that it will happen- just a matter of not knowing when. He’s shooting this show until Oct. 8th and then he has 5 free days before going from Charleston to direct another show in Atlanta. I don’t expect him to spend 5 days with me, I mean that could be a disaster before really knowing someone. And he doesn’t even know where he wants to spend these 5 days. He has his own place in LA but hates LA and only really goes there for his business meetings. He mentioned maybe getting a hotel in NYC, or going to Hawaii- who knows. But I’m mentally preparing myself that date #3 may not happen for a while. I mean I didn’t expect date #2 to happen the week after. 

But it’s all so confusing. You have me who is way to quick to commit and a guy that I can already tell you has a fear of it. So this gray area- am I single? Am I not single? I don’t really get it. Not that I want to date anyone else but what if 3 weeks goes by and he still doesn’t make plans to see me again? Thus, why I’m “KonfusedKat” and absolutely a worrier.

And in the words of Taylor Swift “It was enchanting to meet you…Please don’t fall in love with someone else….Please don’t have somebody waiting on you”

We Met!! Love At First Tweet Pt. 2

You’ll have to read my recent post “Love At First Tweet” for the backstory, but me and this man met! 

It was the most exciting date I’ve ever been on. But me and my worrisome self- had all sorts of emotions pacing thru my mind before he flew into Philadelphia…

Is he for real? Is it someone else? Is he even going to come? What if he doesn’t like me? What if I don’t like him? What if he doesn’t look like his pictures? What if he isn’t as nice in person?….and so on…

We went to Vetri (amazing). Google it, and definitely make a reservation! (They get booked up to two months). Everything was delicious- and he calls himself a “foodie” so he loved it. I’m not used to guys taking me to fancy restaurants so I was so nervous. And even though the portions are small and the courses are spaced apart- I still was full half way through haha. Also, go with someone you can spend 3 hours with (another thing I was nervous about)! But it was awesome and I didn’t want the night to end.

He was exactly the person in his photos. He was charming and polite just like on the phone. He didn’t disappoint at all. It was the best date I’ve ever had…

The next day he came to film my live show I had. It was somewhat strange to go from “date vibe” to “professional” but we both had to do it. Which of course confuses the heck out of an already confused girl like myself! 

Now we are in the gray area- where I worry some more-

What are we? We’ve been talking for over a month- only met in person these two days. I know, I know, take it day by day…but I’m not patient. He “said” he’d fly me to his filming location but since I’m on crutches right now he said he would fly back to Philly this weekend. What if he never comes back? What if he realizes he’s too busy for this? What if it doesn’t work? Am I playing it cool enough or is he the type of person that likes a girl initiating conversation and if she doesn’t he thinks she’s not into him!?

It’s worthless to overanalyze it. I mean I don’t hear from my best friends for days at a time or family because they’re busy and I’m not like OH NO. Sigh- guess I’m just ready to be in a relationship, and I hate not knowing where this is headed. 

If we are meant to be together, it’ll happen. And I think I had to get all this out to realize that. Because I haven’t been able to stop worrying. I’m not calling him unless he tells me to (he’s extremely busy) and whenever we talk he seems absolutely into me. His overwhelming schedule while I’m at home recovering and time passes so slowly is when I get inside my head too much. 

Now it’s time to be patient. I’m happy we met, no matter what happens- there are no regrets. 

Wardrobe Matching Your Age…

You’re another year older. But is your wardrobe? And does it even have to be? Everyone is different and has different styles- but just because I just turned another year older I don’t find the need to get rid of my entire closet. Maybe I’m completely wrong.

I noticed this the other day after seeing a friend I grew up with that had moved away. I had seen her when she was 26- and now that she’s going to be 27- she felt the need to trash her entire wardrobe and buy “grown up clothes”. I had on a hoodie- and she had on a nice sweater. She said that this sweater is what is replacing her current sweatshirts. Way to make me feel awkward. Note: we were on my couch- not in public.

Being a country musician, and living in the country- I guess I feel more laid back about clothes. But I also never really get rid of anything either so I’ll pull out the occasional college hoodie if I’m relaxing at home.

Does it really matter? Am I not dressing my age? I really don’t get it. I don’t feel like I’m 26- but I don’t act like a child partying all the time either. I have no idea what to do. I feel all this pressure to dress up now.

But I’m perfectly comfortable with myself in jeans and a cute top…sometimes even yoga pants. I guess I feel like if my hair and makeup is done I don’t look like a bum.  And if I’m going somewhere fancy, I absolutely wear a dress and cute heels.

But what’s with the pressure to wear a pantsuit on the weekend?!

Love At First Tweet

It feels good to be blogging again. A DVT blood clot that didn’t clear up set me back by about 2 and 1/2 weeks and I was hospitalized again. And ever since that happened I think I’ve been in love. My spirits have been so high and thanks to that someone I’m recovering quicker than I usually would- for I’m unusually happy.

Thats right- love at first tweet.

I have no clue how this will pan out, and my friends and parents are looking at me like I’m absolutely crazy. But they say when you stop looking for love, it comes when you least expect it. I stopped online dating and decided to give it a rest.  Apparently that’s what happened to both me and this guy as well. And all thanks to Twitter he found me. He’s a well known director and somehow found me as a fan of my music.

The day I was admitted I was sent the most gorgeous bouquet of pink and yellow roses, Iris, and Lilies. A “get well soon” balloon, a card, a teddy bear, and a box of delicious chocolates. So thoughtful of him. I immediately got excited about the idea of being him- but wasn’t sure if he was looking for something.

He’s a traveler due to his job. I’m in the suburbs of Philly, and his home is in Los Angeles. He’s barely there though, just in the next few months he will be in LA, NYC, New Orleans, Charleston, Atlanta, and somewhere in Alabama.  Being a musician, I’m perfectly okay with this schedule as long as there’s communication. Which so far, we’ve spoken on the phone for 4 hours every night so far. 

We speak of ridiculous things. Or as he often says- “silly”. He’s coming into town this weekend for our first date where he chose a 5 star restaurant (pressure…) and coming to my concert. He even offered to film it for me. Then he wants me to come visit him for a weekend in a city of my choice the second week of October. In November we are going to Maui for his birthday. He even brought up Valentine’s Day in NYC. CRAZY right? We haven’t even met. I got a belated birthday gift package at my house today. He said he thought I could use it for my music. A brand new huge MacBook Pro. Insane. 

I’m so not used to this. I’m not used to nice guys with the same ambitions as me and that have steady work and I’m used to paying for everything and not at all used to gifts. Especially expensive ones. It’s going to be a change. Ahhhhhhh.

All the fancy things aside- we are so much alike it’s unreal. We have the same ambitions (except his are in film mine are in music) and we are perfectly okay with ridiculous schedules and knowing we may only see each other once month and supportive of each other and constantly assuring one another that they’ll make it to the top and to never look down or stop working. It’s amazing. And he’s caring. And not a drug addict or alcoholic or scum bag. It’s a breath of fresh air considering my previous awful taste in men.

If it weren’t for the ridiculous technological advances and for the rise of social media, he would have never found me. I think we’ve both stalked enough about each other online to make sure he’s actually talking to me and vice versa. But I still am nervous I won’t actually get to meet him.

Let’s hope this is for real and not a future Catfish episode.

Until next time…God bless! 

Dad works. Mom cooks and cleans. I observe.

I’m not sure if this balances out in every situation. It all seems so routine and is getting old. I never really picked up on it as a child. But now, as a mid-twenties something “woman” who has had to temporarily live back at home…I’m noticing it. It’s not the jolly “Honey I’m home!” “Okay I made you your favorite!” “Oh thanks honey I’ll do the dishes.” No. Not like that at all.

     I’m here for a short while due to a medical reason. My mother, who has taken care of me all my life has to now wait on me hand and foot making me feel incredibly filled with guilt no matter how many times I thank her. I can see it exhausting her. She left me with Dad for two hours and he was clueless. He’s a hard worker I will give you that. He does not stop. But I think the women of the house just want a little more quality time with him when he is home.

     We all have troubles of our own, but I got the idea for this blog as I was hopping on my crutches over to the dinner table. Mom spent a good while making a nice Italian meal, while there was limited to no conversation at all. Not to mention she didn’t even get one “thank you” from Dad or now realizing, myself. It’s not right. Or is it he feels he brings home the money so it’s her duty? Or is it all just…routine?

     I think we all need to pay a little more attention to what our role is in the family, and definitely more appreciation. Even if it’s a daily thing that has become mundane- life is short. So make your family dinners count.

I Havent Even Met You Yet.

Here we are. We “met” online a couple weeks ago. Terrible timing. A couple days before a hospitalization due to a blood clot. Seemed like we got along great. I figured- I wasn’t going to meet him straight away so recovery time at home would be a good chance to get to know each other via online, phone, etc.
He seemed sweet. Dropped off a card and flowers at the nurse’s station for me when I was there. But then it began. Since I didn’t know him I couldn’t comprehend the context of his text messages any longer. He deleted his online profile while I kept mine. He said “I should probably ask you if you have any other dates lined up?” I replied with “No, I can’t even leave the house yet. But even if I was actively dating, I wouldn’t have asked that question until we met or at least hit it off.” I mean really- he can’t claim me.
He seems so cut and dry. I’m not a drinker, but I used to smoke and sometimes do if I feel anxious at a bar. A “social smoker” once a month if you will. He “drinks socially” according to his profile. I’m scared of dating someone that drinks due to a bad curse of dating closet addicts that were abusive in all ways possible. Anyways, he said to me no longer smoking, “Good. That would’ve been a deal breaker right there.” And I said “Well I don’t like drinkers but I’m not judging you…” He didn’t really say much to that.
Then I started being “that girl”- maybe it was because I felt like he was acting like a past boyfriend in terms of “my way or the highway”- why hasn’t he called? he had contacted me so much! Am I guilty for still talking to other guys online? I don’t get his sarcasm…or is he being serious?
The calls. They drive me nuts. If I don’t answer when he calls he thinks I’m uninterested- so likely vice versa. It’s always around his schedule. He calls when he’s not busy. I call- and if he is busy- I text to let him know I called and he said “I know I’m with my buddy ill be free at (time)”. But then he doesn’t call. Was I supposed to call him? Was he supposed to return my call?
The texts are stupid. Meaningless conversation. I have better times talking to my cats. All he says is “what’s up?” Or “what are you doing”. He still wants to meet but we aren’t getting to know each other at all. Or maybe this is all about him, and he simply doesn’t give a damn about getting to know me.
I haven’t met him- so why do I care or feel the need to try? I think I’ll keep looking…even if he doesn’t like it.

Growing Pains

Everyone around me is settling down. I was always the one that jumped from relationship to relationship. Then I realized “maybe I should take some time to find myself” and so I did. Then I dated an awful person I should have dumped way sooner than I did, Then I dated someone older. As a matter of fact, way older- almost 20 years older. He had his scars like all of us do, and I desperately wanted him to fall in love with me.

But timing is everything. The thing is- as my absolute last one of my girlfriends I grew up with is about to settle down…there is no way to change how life is speeding up and I somehow don’t feel my age. But I know, once I find someone again I’ll feel relatively normal. But nothing will change how much I miss “girl time”.